Monday, August 13, 2012

The cheese.

It's a little corny but I want to write down a memory from this past weekend that I don't want to forget.

Cousin's wedding up north. Family and friends a'plenty. Booze flowing. Feet sore from dancing.

My brother walks up to me on the dance floor, puts his arm around my neck/head and gives my sweaty forehead a big kiss.

My brother and I don't always get along but he's got my back and I know it. And vice versa. It's a good feeling. I got to dance a lot with Captain Mikey that night and I'm a lucky girl for it.

Sibling love. <3 br="br">

P.S. My brother is a Pilot, hence the silly name. He was one of my cousin's groomsmen so it was even printed that way in the program at the wedding, hah.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Today I feel so low. I rack my brain, trying to think of things to do, to be productive and to make me happy. And then I get this familiar feeling of sadness, and realize that no matter what I do right now, I'm not really enjoying the time.

I need an escape from the basement and my thoughts but things that I consider doing, I wonder why I'd ever think I'd like doing that. Or waste my time on that. Because I'm just not going to enjoy it, anyways.

It's a sad feeling, one that I've known before. I can't shake it. Maybe getting a job and some routine will help, but, I didn't feel like I was enjoying life even before I was let go.

What the hell am I here for? I know there's a bigger reason, for all of us. But what is mine? I need to make some decisions and start living and enjoying my time? I've said this a bunch of times before but now is THE time.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A feeling. That I'm destined for something. It washes over me life comfort and assurance. I can't stop wondering when I'm going to realize what it is. It feels big. Maybe not monumental. I may not change the world. But I know. It's too strong to deny. I'm going to do something amazing with my life.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Five things.

1. My best friend (since Kindergarten, wow!) had her first baby this morning, at 8:20 a.m. Her name is Mackenzie and I hear she has a full head of dark hair. Jo is blonde so she won't be pleased that Mackenzie is already taking after her father. ;) I am so giddy and happy and everything under the sun! I've known pregnant people, of course, but no one THIS close to me. A friend that I've known almost all my life. It's insane and beautiful and the best thing ever.

2. Some sad news to go with the happy but, that's life, right? Lain's dad had to make a hard decision yesterday to put down their sweet, loving Bullmastiff, Sadie. No word of a lie, this dog was the best. She was sweet, kind, loved people and kids, to go for walks. That's pretty normal. But she just loved people. You could've left your newborn baby with her and felt safe, knowing that she'd never do anything to harm anyone. I only got to know Sadiekins for about six years but she was 10 years old; she lived well past we thought she would. I'm just really sad for Lain and his family because they truly loved her so much. Pets are so hard. I can't imagine myself not having any but the thought of losing them is too much.

3. It's been SCORCHING hot here for the past couple of weeks. Seriously. The other day was so bad, I was hot while sitting inside with the air conditioning on. Anytime I went outside, even to sit, I felt like I was dying a slow death. It's broken now and kind of gloomy today. Weather forecast is calling for rain. I'll take it.

4. Buying a bike soon. I keep saying it but I've finally found a place that actually sells the brands I'm interested in. Bobbin Birdie | Pashley | Linus Dutchi 3 - opinions? They're all made in the UK, I believe. A bit pricier than I wanted to go but the more research I've done, the more convinced I am. It's a good idea to spend a bit more, when the quality is so good. If I take care of it, it could last me years. Plus they're all kinda pretty. :)

5. I still need a job. Was offered a sale position but it was strictly commission so I had to turn it down. Interviewed for a Communications Coordinator position at a good company, closer to home than my last job was. Hope to hear back from them soon. Either way, it was a good experience and it allowed me to find out about a new company. If I don't get it, I'll know it wasn't meant to be. I just need to be patient until the right thing comes along. But, I also need to work harder at actually applying to places. It's hard to find stuff that I'm interested in and admittedly, I've had a bit of a rough time with anxiety/depression, since losing my job. But things will get better! I'm determined to make them better.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


1. If I had to survive on only tuna sandwiches, I could. Gross? Sorry, but I love it. Lain and I are in the process of being able to make the best tuna sammich at home, because so far, I've only had the best ones at little hole-in-the-wall places. And man, they were delicious. So I need to perfect it and get my own little cafe up and running. If only!

2. I can't stop thinking about NYC. It was magical and life-changing. It was hot and frustrating at times because of the amount of tourists but when they went to bed and you were able to connect with the people who actually inhabit the city and it's many boroughs, I really fell in love with the place.

3. Lain and I are getting excited about some fun things we have planned for the near future! We're going to a Sam Roberts concert in July, planning a camping trip for just the two of us, planning cottage trips with friends while my grandparents are off traveling and finally, a family wedding! I seriously think this is going to be a great summer.

4. I need a job. I'm surprisingly not overly anxious about the whole ordeal, mainly because I know I'm pretty awesome and will find something eventually. This all happened for a reason and I need to go with the flow, to figure out why and where I'm really supposed to be. I'm going to be nerdy here but even just being in NY made me realize that. It all connects, people.

5. I'm thinking of taking a course to become a Life Coach. Silly? I've heard some mixed reactions but I need to work with people; it's my passion. When I started talking about the "job" it made me really excited. So, we'll see. I have a lot of silly dreams but I really just need to take the steps to try and see if they're a good fit and if not, I can move on. I also want to take singing lessons. This must happen ASAP.

P.S. My new motto that I totally stole from the Kardashians: YOLO. But really? They're right. Fuck 'em all!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Word of the day: unstable.

Trying not to: have a serious meltdown.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

"This too shall pass."

Thinking of getting that quote/saying tattooed on me; something I need to remember, so badly in some moments, but can't quite seem to.

Maybe having a permanent reminder will help. And maybe I'm going to end up completely covered in tattoos of inspiring and uplifting quotes.

If that's what it takes to remember, to live, breathe, not take everything so seriously.. then shit. I'm in.