Today I feel so low. I rack my brain, trying to think of things to do, to be productive and to make me happy. And then I get this familiar feeling of sadness, and realize that no matter what I do right now, I'm not really enjoying the time.

I need an escape from the basement and my thoughts but things that I consider doing, I wonder why I'd ever think I'd like doing that. Or waste my time on that. Because I'm just not going to enjoy it, anyways.

It's a sad feeling, one that I've known before. I can't shake it. Maybe getting a job and some routine will help, but, I didn't feel like I was enjoying life even before I was let go.

What the hell am I here for? I know there's a bigger reason, for all of us. But what is mine? I need to make some decisions and start living and enjoying my time? I've said this a bunch of times before but now is THE time.